Friday, April 2, 2010
There's one thing that's always been bothering me about myself. Why is it so hard for me to have close friends?
It's really hard for me to get close and stay close with people. I start to distance myself from them because I don't like the feeling of attachment. I get annoyed very easily and feel like I annoy them when in reality, all we're trying to do is keep in touch and try to strengthen our bond as friends. I've only been able to stay close friends with 6 people throughout my lifetime: Shaheen, Sam Chen, Brendon, Amos, Andrew, and Anderson. I feel that the reason I am able to stay close friends with them is that I am attending a college that keeps me distant from them. This fear of attachment worries me when it comes to the future because I know I will have a hard time dealing with relationships which is mainly the reason why I try to avoid getting into relationships at all costs.
Over time, instead of thinking of "why" it was so hard for me to make close friends, I should have been asking myself, what's wrong with attachment.
I pray that God will work through me and help me as I struggle through this. I know He won't fail as long as I keep believing ;]